Parent jokes

Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?

Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?

Why can’t orphans ride bikes?

Because they don’t have parent supervision.

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?

When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

Where's your mom?

In the bin.

Ur mom. (Idk, I'm bored.)

A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.

Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!

What does an orphan do on school parents' day? Nothing.

Why do orphans like going to church?

Because they actually get to say "father" for once.

Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call "daddy."

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

What is the other word for an orphan?

Paren't.

The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.