Parent jokes

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?

When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.

You have a father figure.

Why don't orphans like getting lost?

Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"

Orphans get family-sized chips for free.

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

Does a midget count as an orphan?

Do you know what the F in orphan is for...

Family.

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home.

Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

Orphans have it lucky.

When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."

When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

One day, a man visited an orphanage.

Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"

The kid cries even harder.