Parent jokes

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

Orphans get family-sized chips for free.

Why don't orphans like getting lost?

Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

Why did the orphan cross the road?

So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.

Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.

You have a father figure.

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."

The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home.

Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.

His parents weren't too happy.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

One day, a man visited an orphanage.

Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"

The kid cries even harder.

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.