Outing jokes

What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

I got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.

Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!

I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."

What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?

Van Halen's "Jump."

Why are most vacuums gay?

They’re always coming out of the closet.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.

They have to come out of the closet sometime.

What’s the easiest way for parents to find out if their child is gay Look in the closet

White comedy week:

Monster Truck Monday

Trailer Park Tuesday

White Trash Wednesday

Take Your Sister Out Thursday

Fox News Friday

Storm the Capitol Saturday

Say You’re Sorry Sunday

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.