Yo mama so ugly that the grinch fell out when he saw her
Ok so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
I play saxophone and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason I got multiple restraining orders because I said “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson”, I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
After having a win at bingo Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea..... During the meal her daughter asked her mum what it was to which she replied with a little smile...'Its what I call your father'... Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin 'Oh My God Dont eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank* She has cancer
Attended my bosses funeral to pay my respect, on my way out I leant over his casket and whispered lightly.....'Well look whos thinking Outside the box now'.....
i hat to run out of the libarie because i put the cook books in the women sports section
Is it incent if it’s out the open
Or is it...outcent
yo mama so fat when the rock hit her with a rock bottom her big fat ass belly let all the pizza explode out her belly
yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man her bowls fell out
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
Yo mama so fat that when god said let there be light he asked her to move out the way
Yo mamma so fat that Thanos had to snap his finger twice to get her out of Existence
Yo mama so fat when i swerved to miss her, i ran out of gas
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy and I was home alone with my dawgy, and, and I was eating peanut butter, and I thought since its oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part, and my dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter up off my private part, and my private part, it got big and hard, and then peanut butter, but white came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining. And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted “What are you doing?” And then I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, “Well let me have a taste.” And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
The other day, I stumbled upon a comic strip in the newspaper. As I started reading, I could feel a smile creeping onto my face. The characters were so relatable, their situation so absurd, yet so familiar, it was impossible not to find it amusing. The punchline was unexpected, yet it made perfect sense within the context of the story. It was that surprise, that sudden twist, that made me burst out laughing. It was as if the comic strip had set up a joke and I had walked right into it, completely unsuspecting. The laughter bubbled up from within me, a spontaneous reaction to the unexpected humor. In that moment, I realized the power of humor. It's not just about making people laugh. It's about bringing joy, about making people see the world from a different perspective, even if just for a moment. And that's why I found that comic strip so funny. It wasn't just a joke, it was a moment of joy, a moment of surprise, a moment of seeing the world in a different light.
I could never fall out a boat because I've already fallen for you.
