Outing jokes
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
What’s a rapper’s favorite computer key?
The space bar... it lets them space out their rhymes!
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the kitchen?
Because he kept dropping the BEETS!
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?
Because he was too loud with his FLOW.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
Rate these races out of 10/10:
White 10/10
Hispanic 8/10
Black 0/10
Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?
Because their car ran out of RHYME.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)