Otherness jokes

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.

Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"

Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."

Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."

*Operator hears a distant gunshot*

Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"

I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

Y'all are so rude on here. If you don't like what I put on MY profile, you can click your rude ass off of my profile and look at some other fucking jokes. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY ABOUT ME!

Why did the chicken cross the towers?

Because he ordered a plane pizza and didn’t get to the other side.

What's the difference between my basement and my garage?

One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.

What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!

The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."

So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.

Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.

Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?

Because he rolled over to the other side!

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."

The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."

The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered three pepperoni pizzas and one came plain, the other came late, and the other one went to the wrong address.

What did the toilet paper say to the other toilet paper?

"Hey, check me out! I'm on a roll!" 😂😂🤭🤭

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

What did one plate say to the other plate?

"Dinner's on me."

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

I hate my life.

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”