Otherness jokes
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.
Hey, this is to orphans:
"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"
Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!
P.S., it's Jake.
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
What did one bee say to the other bee?
"I love you, honey!"
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?
I went out to buy some camouflage shirts the other day. Couldn't find any.
You: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THE KRAP THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH!
The other person: Who?
You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?
A meter stick.
What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?
One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What did the atom say to the other atom?
"Did you see the new Tron movie?"
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."
The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!