Otherness jokes
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
How do skeletons make love?
They bone each other!
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We are both lawyers.
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
Orphans are so unwanted that when One Direction saw one, it went the other direction.
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
LMAO, what is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other's just a watermelon.
What did the constipated bum say to the other bum?
Piss don't s**t on me!
Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩
Masochists and sadists are made for each other.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.