One jokes

In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.

Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.

What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?

One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.

How are Tinder and orphans alike?

You swipe left till you find the one you like.

Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...

...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:

370HSSV 0773H

All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.

One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:

"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?

The second nightstand.

Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.

I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.

You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.

The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.

If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.

I was walking in the forest with my gf.

I had a Desert Eagle for protection.

A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.