I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it...we're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
Q:what did one gay cowboy say to the other gay cowboy. A:hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
It’s sad some one has ligma
I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa .☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted. The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered Pristiano Penaldo 😭.I was right guys ✅🛫
A blonde, a brunette, and redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
why did one emo say to the other I like your cuts g
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship? Neither one of them, they eat out
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11. Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma? One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
If two blind people meet, one of them says: Long time, no see
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them contained their value after getting wrecked.
Why can’t orphans be gay?...
Because they have no one to call daddy
Thanks to an unfortunate typo, it's the most one-sided action movie ever.
Alen vs. Predator
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold. I'm talking about being born a black man, and dying a white woman. Incredible.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito? He gets to tear that ass up one more time
Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were. Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock? -- She started her period.
