One jokes

What's life if you don't have one...

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.

One thing is for sure, the victims from 9/11 died warm.

If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.

Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.

When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.

"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."

Yo mama so fat, she is one of the boulders in Indiana Jones.

"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.

What did one butthole say to the other?

"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"

When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.

The direction I'm looking.

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!

In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.

Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."

I think one of my dads might be gay.

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.

What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?

One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.

How are Tinder and orphans alike?

You swipe left till you find the one you like.

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.