One jokes

One thing is for sure, the victims from 9/11 died warm.

When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.

The direction I'm looking.

If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.

"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

What makes a nuke and divorce the same?

It only takes one of each to end your life.

Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.

When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.

I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.

"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.

What did one butthole say to the other?

"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

Yo mama so fat, she is one of the boulders in Indiana Jones.

In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.

Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!

Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."

I think one of my dads might be gay.

Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.

What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?

One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.