One jokes
One day I went skating and skated for so long that my feet were incredibly sore.
It was like my skates were moving all by themselves, but I decided to just roll with the situation.
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on one.
When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."
Orphan: I want to be a relator.
Teacher: Why?
Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.
There is a ghost baseball game and one team loses because of one player so they start booing him!
How did pioneers name Canada?
They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"
That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"
What did one canyon say to the other?
You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
One word. Creeper.
Water, tastes that one tap in school:
A tier water at 3 am.
S tier.
12 pm water f tier.
One time, I was making a caramel apple.
When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.
It got too out of hand and I got spanked.
I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.
What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?
What in the Robot!?
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”