One jokes

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"

Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?

What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?

They’re both alone, but only one is home.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

Nobody finds that one funny.

One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!

"Among Us" is a game (Skeld) where there is an imposter trying to hijack the ship and kill everyone. Does this sound similar to September 11, 2001?

What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?

Batman has no one to call "daddy."

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?

Me: I'm just BONELY.

Sans: Good one kiddo.

Orphan: What are you doing tonight?

Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.

What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."

I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.

So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....

What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?

Because he can’t do stand up.

What did one alligator say to the other alligator?

"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"

What has four legs and one arm?

A rottweiler at a park.

For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.

A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.

"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"

And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.

"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"

And so he did.

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."