One jokes
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
Why was three afraid of two? Because he killed everyone!
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
What did one Justin say to the other Justin?
- Fuck you.
What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.
Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
Chuck Norris one-shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"
This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.
But I realized I can't see him. LOL!
This one time I said to a person that they are dry, then I was wet (ba dum tiss).
My bully said I have to shut up. I said, "Shut down" (ba dum tiss).
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
Me: Hey, what book are you reading?
Him: "The Twisted Ones."
Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.