One jokes

Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.

Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.

The thing I don't like about shopping centers...

When you see one, you've seen a mall.

The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."

The doctor says, "Next, please."

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand store!

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?

Wave.

Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.

A fake name and a fake phone number.

What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?

Names.

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.