One jokes
A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.
Which one hits the ground first?
The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.
My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.
The female ones are called "bitch."
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
Africa has every type of gun but one...
A water gun.
What do orphans do after they win a game?
Nothing, they have no one to play games with.
What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."
If one of ya'll could find my weave, that'd be great!
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣
What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?
"Stop staring at my nuts."
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."😳
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"