One jokes
Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.
So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...
Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.
Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.
Which one hits the ground first?
The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.
My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.
The female ones are called "bitch."
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
Africa has every type of gun but one...
A water gun.
What do orphans do after they win a game?
Nothing, they have no one to play games with.
What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."
If one of ya'll could find my weave, that'd be great!
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!