Offspring jokes
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.
Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
If Huggy and Kissy ever had a kid, they would have a good lunch. *evil laugh* 😈
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
Son, you are not precious, so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you.
Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me?
Son, you're adopted!
By the way, infertility is hereditary:
If your parents did not have children, you will not have any.
"Cummy wummy all over my mummy."
Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?
Son goat: No, what?
Dad goat: Goat meat.
Son goat: *Gasps*
Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.
When a boy points at his parents, they disappear.
Why can't two Asians make a white kid?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.
I was gonna tell you a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort it.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.