Offspring jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?

They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”

Evan, yo mum rode on my big PP love, dad.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?

A holy CUMmunion.

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

A father awaits the birth of his first child.

The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"

I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...

I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.

So my son came up to me and said, "Hey, Dad, I’m hungry." So I replied "Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad."

And then I feed him my dick.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?

A: What.

Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?

A. Rape babies.