Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, but accidents in the backseat make kids.
Why can't Asians make a white baby?
Cause two wongs don't make a white.
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
By the way, infertility is hereditary:
If your parents did not have children, you will not have any.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
Why can't two Asians make a white kid?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.
