Occupation jokes
What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?
The prostitute can blow you more than once.
What do you call a blind author?
A Braille writer.
I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.
I remarked, "You lazy!"
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to drop some HOT BARS in the kitchen!
What's a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer.
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
What do you call an egg murder?
An eggs-terminator!
How did they know the teacher onboard the spaceship had dandruff?
Cause her Head and Shoulders were everywhere!
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
Can a guy in a wheelchair be a stand-up comedian?
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because they love serving up HOT BEATS!
What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."