Occupation jokes
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field. Okay, I'll admit it's corny.
How do you make a plumber sad?
You kill his family.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
There was a cleaning lady with a vacuum cleaner. She sucked!
A bowman walked into a throne room, and he bowed to him.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.