Nut jokes
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
What has nut, long, big, and sticky? A Snickers bar.
Roses are red,
My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.
What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.
SMG4 Mario be like in Ohio: I don’t wanna do this...
Candice everyone: Candice?
Mario: CAN DEEZ NUTS FIT IN YOUR MOUTH!
What do you call a midget born from precum?
"Half Nut!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? Nuts!
I got banana nut bread for you.
Oh no, the nuts are missing!
Oh, I found them!
You know where they are?
UP YOUR BUTTHOLE!
Deez nuts, can we get much higher?
Boioioioing boioioioing, my name Jeff.
Arabic Nokia ringtone, bingchungus, wholesome 100, everyone liked that, Keanu Reeves chungus, Ugandan Knuckles, YouTube poop XDDDDDDDDDDDD.
If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.
What is 6 inches and has nuts?
A Snickers bar.
In memory of Michael Jackson, various ice cream companies are introducing the Jackson Chocolate ice cream. It is either 50 year old cream mixed in with 10 year old nuts, or 7 year old vanilla ice cream with 50 year old chocolate drizzled on 4 year old tiny nuts.
"Deez nutz" are a hairline.
Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?
My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”
Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.
The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.
Mike Oxlong: What's deez, Mike?
Mike Oxsmall: I dunno. What is deez?
Mike Oxlong: DEEZ NUTS! HA, GOT 'EM!
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"
Name a nut. You because are nuts.