I went to a girl and I said, "DEEZ NUTS!"
How do you say “Yes, you look good” in Spanish?
– Sí...
See deez nuts!
"Dez nuts, bell suck and she ugly."
Did you eat Chef Boyardee's food?
No, why?
Boy are deez nuts so big.
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
Have you learned SoDN in chemistry? It's so hard.
What's SoDN?
Suck on deez nuts.
Deez nuts!
Why did Russia put war on Ukraine for more nuts?
Krusty nut
Do you know what SAWCON is?
SAWCON deez nuts.
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."
Do you like CDs?
There's this really cool one called "C Deez Nuts."
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
Deez nutz!
What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.
