Do you you like Cds. There's this really cool one called C Deez nuts.
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning? It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Not a joke but still dc
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
What’s A Squirrels Favourite OTT? Nut-Flix
what did one squirrel say to the other squirrel? stop staring at my nuts .
My name is myria my right nut
A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
Cashew see I’m nuts about you!?
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
I have a pun, but I will nut-tella you!
The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
The nut is so solid it’s peanut brittle.
Cashew a question? Nut now!
The cashew called the peanut boring. The peanut felt very unsalted.
What sandwich spread makes people itch? Flea-nut butter.
What happens to a nervous nut? It cracks.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache? A pistachio.
