Nursery Rhyme jokes

Jack and Jill went up a hill. His condom ripped, and now they are from Alabama.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.

WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.

What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.

He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.

Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?

She got tired of jumping over the moon.

What do you call a fat man that has a stomach shaped like an egg?

Humpty Dumpty!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill.

Jack stopped and said to drunkin' Jill, "To build this still will take so long."

Jill said to Jack, "Well, f--k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill!"

Your forehead is so big, Humpty Dumpty didn’t want to fall off!

Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!

Man, I didn't know they put Humpty Dumpty back together!

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.

What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?

"Pop Goes the Weasel."

Jack and Jill went up the hill. They turned to drunks and have no will. Jill said to Jack, "Your love reveal, then think of building me a still."

Two gay kids made their version of the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pair of lattes.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Summer wasn't too bad either.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch some pail of water.

Jack came down, and then Jill came tumbling after, so they had a baby...

What did the cow jump over?

The Moon.

The clock struck one!

Then down did come!

Hickory dickory doc

What am I?

Random- a mouse?

Me- no dumb shit!

Random- what is it?

Me- the guillotine!