Number

Number Jokes

Mum

Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!

Weight

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

Lightbulb

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

Rose

Roses are red, Violets are fine, You be the 6, I'll be the 9. 😏

Sex

How fast is the speed of sex?

68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.

Sex

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

Credit Card

I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕

And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!

Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄

Laziness

Lesson in laziness number 136894236842: don't be too lazy to read large numbers.

Friend

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

Fight

I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."

Name

An Asian student was learning logarithm in class. He wrote down his name after the question. The teacher asked why. He replied, "My class ID is number 1."

Boob

Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.