Now jokes

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: I don't know why.

Man: Because they have a family plan.

Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

This is not really a joke, but it's a question.

If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.

He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.

You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.

Kobe was a bloody legend. Now he's just bloody.

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

"Alex! We need to talk! Now!"

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

I was Gandalf the Grey.

But now, after just three washes...