Not jokes
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"
Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.
Man: I wish not to die a virgin.
Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not."
"Not who?"
"Not your dad."
Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"
Student: "I'm not going."
Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
Yo mama's so heavy and fat, gravity could not hold her down.
Dark humor is like a home; not everyone gets it.
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.
Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.
We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.
Prince, I promise you that "qwen" girl you're chatting with is a faker! I am the real lover for you, not her. She's a stranger!
The professor said, "I think this question raises a few problems."
The student replied, "That is not a question; that is an answer."
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
9/11 is not funny. It's just plane disrespectful to make fun of it.
Everyone says "no homo," why do gays not say "no hetero?"