John is not funny.
Not Jokes
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
I'm not in jail for tossing a salad.
Why can't two Chinese make a white baby?
Because two Wongs don't make a white.
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school?
They do not have parents to bring to parent/teacher conferences.
Some kid with parents: "Knock, knock."
Orphan: "Who's there?"
Some kid with parents: "Not your parents."
Even if you do burn down an orphanage, it's not gonna matter. It's not like they have homes.
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.
Why do orphans not play bingo?
Because they don’t know what a full house is.
"Zre, um, be careful when using a gun, okay? And meh not fat, boy."
Hi, I did not get your walk.
What always roars, but cannot talk? What always moves, but cannot walk?
A waterfall.
Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"
Why are fish not sleeping? 'Cause the bed is wet.
A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.
"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.
She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"
People who wannabe rich and famous rappers should always look at Tekashi 6ix9ine, and learn what not to do.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.