Not jokes

I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.

Pro lifers: End abortion!!!

Pro lifers after school shooting: But not this abortion.

What's white but not black, and red all over?

J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.

A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.

What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Not to get home, that's for sure.

If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To eat Bob's arms.

Bob went to hospital and had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Bob.

What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?

Nacho cheese.

Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.

Why can't dwarfs go to space? Because NASA is not sending monkeys into space anymore.

What college can Stephen Hawking not go to? Spelman University.

There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???

If you're bored, just punch an orphan. It's not like they can tell their parents.

Why didn't the octopus get a tent? Because it had tentacles.

A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?

B: Why?

A: Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Not Sally.

Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?

B: I don't know, why?

A: Because Sally was driving the car.

Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?

It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!

A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.

IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!