Not jokes

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

When is a door not a door?

Why don't rappers ever gamble?

Because they're always dropping beats, not bets.

Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.

I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.

Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!

I'm not completely useless....

I can be used as a bad example!

Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."

What do you call crabs that do not share their food?

They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ

Some rules of childhood cricket:

1. Whose bat, his batting.

2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.

3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.

When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?

When it's not raining.

Bob has no arms.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

"It's not Bob."

I made a website for orphans. You know what I did not add? A home page.

My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.

One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

Stephen Hawking, more like Stephens not walking.

This is not a joke.

Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.