Not jokes
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
What do renovators and lesbians have in common?
They're both not interested in exposed wood, apparently.
Why did the three 23s not go to the orphanage?
Because they already 69'd.
Why is an apple not called a "red", but an orange is called an "orange"?
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
Who is the Hamburglar's perverted cousin?
The Turdburglar.
You really do not want to see the mess these two make of the washrooms in a fast food joint.
I'm not sure if you have any feelings because everything about you seems very dull.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she got hit by a bus.
I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.
A guy jumped out of the Twin Towers, saying, "I ordered pepperoni pizza, not a plane!"
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.
Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.
Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."
Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."
Fuck clankers. Wait, not like that.
What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.