Not jokes
"We are trans. We are Gay. We are lesbian. We are Bi."
We Do Not Care.
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
A man asks to play kick the bucket (not death).
The other man agrees. They go to the top of Mt. Everest. The man who asked ties the bucket to the other one's foot. Then he kicks it off the cliff, which brings the man with it. LOL
THE END
Deck the halls with bowels of Holly, fa la la la la, la la la la.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
What is the difference between a human being and a tree?
A human can walk and a tree cannot walk.
What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS.
What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.
What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.
Why did the cliff feel offended?
Because George jumped OFF. ENDED his life.
(I'm sorry... No, I'm not!)
Friend, you so faaaat.
Me: Boy, at least I'm not built like a Nintendo Switch.
Stephen Hawking's last words were, "Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down."
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
Why didn’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven? Because it’s a staircase, not a ramp.
Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.
Villager: KNOCK KNOCK
Steve: Who's there?
Villager: I'm not talking anymore.
Steve: I'm not talking anymore who?
Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?
Computers don’t really have a specific religion.
A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
What's the difference between a retard and a normal person?
A normal person is not named Josh Wakling.
Why does the retard not like eating his vegetables? Because he knows not to be a cannibal, he knows somehow.