Not jokes
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
If you have sex and your African parents find out,
“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."
What do you call an Indian person who is not starving? Dead.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.
What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?
Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.
This is not a joke. Stop online dating.
Which restaurants can an orphan not go to?
A family restaurant.
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
What animal can not be trusted?
A lion 🦁.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
What should you name a dog without any legs?
It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.
Why does an orphan not play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.
I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.
A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"