Not jokes

Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:

"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

This is not a joke. Stop online dating.

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.

What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?

Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.

Yo mama's teeth so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter!

You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.

It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.

Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?

A: Not very interesting.

Do not like, dislike, or comment on this joke.

Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!

Why do emo kids not jump?

They're still in the sky.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they do not know where home is.

My wife said she would slam my head into my keyboard if I did not get off video games.

But don't worry I think she was just joking.

You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

It is not funny about kidnapping.