Not jokes

Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!

How do you know it's full?

Because there's not mushroom inside.

What's the difference between a boy and girl? A boy always carries an average 5in "do not enter" sign.

Have you ever felt an earthquake? It’s not nature; it’s Brandan Bressler.

What runs but does not walk? It's water.

"Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"

Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:

Sit-ups: 50

Push-ups: 40

Squats: 30

Do 5 sets.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Only if Africa have enough mosquito nets, the mosquitos will not die of AIDS.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

Why was the math book sad?

Because it had too many PROBLEMS and not enough RAP.

What do asses and secrets have in common?

Both are better when not leaked!

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

This is two heads.

Deaf. "Deep water." ""

- "78 years."

Are you interested again? ""

"If you go ... you are there."

"No. 85 is good."

What is the most important value? It does not take cheese.

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

Why can’t Germans call a taxi? *does taxi calling motion*

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.