"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
Not Jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
Why could you not see the guy in my dark closet?
The guy was black.
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?
Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.
Laugh now.
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.
Why drink water and not bleach?
What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Your hairline is so back it's not even a hairline cuz you're bald. LOL
Your hairline is so far back that not even Tom Brady could throw that far.
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
When is a cold not a cold?
Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!
What college can Stephen Hawking not go to? Spelman University.
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?
It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!
If you're bored, just punch an orphan. It's not like they can tell their parents.
