Not jokes
Why does an orphan always get the newest iPhone?
Because so he does not have a home button.
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
Why did the knight cross the road?
He can't because his armor was too heavy.
Hey, I just wanna be in bed. I just wanna stay ahead. I just feel like I am dead, And I like that color red. Hey, I am not the big fat loser, And you're just a big accuser, You user and excuser.
Say this to you sister, toxic BF, anyone :)
This isn't a joke, I repeat, this is not a joke. The plane in Lake Harriet is not in the lake. It is invisible because of the satellite pic, so there's no plane in Lake Harriet.
Memes
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Why do the orphans not play baseball?
They can never find home.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"
Yo mama is so ugly that not even goldfish smile back at her.
Why don't orphans rob the bank?
Because they're not wanted.
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?
smart
kind
sweet
caring
loving
mature
Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!
How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
What animal can not be trusted?
A lion 🦁.
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
Which restaurants can an orphan not go to?
A family restaurant.