Not jokes
Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
What's Hitler's favorite letter? Not Z.
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?
Family size.
What do women and Nvidia have in common?
They both do not make very good drivers.
When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?
When it’s intersected by a plane.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Your hairline is so far back that not even Tom Brady could throw that far.
What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?
His hide-and-seek skills.
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Why did the terrorists crash?
They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.
Lol.
Why did the terrorist not get paid, but they loved their job?
They di2s drying plans.
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
Your hairline sucks; even Harry Potter could not put it under a spell to turn it back to order.
It would be pretty funny if something that's not a joke was the most liked thing. It would be pretty funny, I think, lol. Just a little funny, lol.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"