A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!
I love these orphan jokes. It's not like they're gonna go tell their parents. ☠
What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)
It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.
Lol, this joke may not be funny, but what do you call your mom fat and emo?
Why do emo kids not like trees? They always leave them hanging.
Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?
I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
