Not jokes

Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"

Doctor: "To the morgue."

Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."

Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."

The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

I am sorry, but the input "Fuck" is not sufficient to generate a joke. I need more content to work with to create a humorous narrative or pun.

Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?

Because 511472.

How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

Apparently not enough to impress him.

Do not trust atoms! They make up everything.

So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.

Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.

Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?

Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.

Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.

Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.

Why did Trump decide to build the wall?

Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

Why could the blind man not see?

Answer: Because he is blind.

Knock knock.

Who is there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No, cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo!

What were Steven Hawking's last words?

Error 404 File Not Found.

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn't want to see the bill.

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.

Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.

You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.