Not jokes
I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...
All I got was "error 404 page not found."
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
Hey, did you know that Stephen Hawking predicted the end of the world?
Well, not really. He predicted the end of *his* world.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Stephen Hawking.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
What's black and at the top of a staircase?
Not Stephen Hawking.
Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.
Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not Stephen Hawking."
For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.
He's not dead, his batteries have run out.
He's not really dead, his update failed.