Not jokes
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.
So Steph Curry and Lebron James went on a vacation, and Steph Curry said, "Try not to travel!"
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
Why did Sally not save the mountain climber?
Because it was her dad.
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.
But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.
And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
Imagine Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but could not stand up.
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."