No one jokes

We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.

No one is taking it harder than grandpa.

No one.

Why are priests called father?

I don’t know why.

Because calling them daddy is too suspicious.

Why can't orphans go on vacation?

The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!

Hey Alya and JK Master, how are you guys doing? No one being an ass to you guys today, right? If so, I'll beat them up :)

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. I was sitting in the back of the movie theater, where no one was. Suddenly, she was sitting in front of me with some guy she was hugging. I was furious. I couldn't stay there anymore, so her friend and I had to finish it in the toilet.

What do orphans and Trump supporters have in common?

No one likes them.

Why did the orphan die on the road? Because they had no one to hold their hand.

Why do Vampires like virgins?

Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.

The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."

The doctor says, "Next, please."

I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.

Why?

I don’t have a clue.

Your mama is so far that when she told a joke, no one was laughing, but the floor was literally cracking up.

Why did the orphan cry to the teacher? Because they have no one else.

No one gives a fuck.

Orphans can be gay, no problem, because they have no one to disown them.

Why can’t orphans go to college?

'Cause they have no one to talk to.

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.

Class: no one stands up.

Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room*

Little Johnny: *stands up*

Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?

Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.

Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.

I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.

My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.

Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.

What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.

Why is Transgender Day of Visibility on April Fool's Day?

Because all trannies are clowns and no one takes them seriously.

Do you know why no one speaks about George Washington?

John Adams turned him into atoms. John Adams was an alien.