No one jokes
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
He’s so short no one can see you very close by.
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
This year the London marathon was run on your hairline. It was so far back no one could complete it!
Memes
Pov:You start writing son lyrics because you can't stand up for yourself knowing you've lost
Why can't men play baseball?
Because no one can take the word "balls" seriously anymore.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
No one misses them.
Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.
Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.
Why can't orphans be gay?
There's no one to call "daddy."
I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because no one came back with any.
Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim practice, and a bunch of homework, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!
"Push yourself, because no one will do it for you."
Love y'all so much!
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
What do you call a house with no one living inside?
An orphan house.
If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.
No one has my back like my dad.
LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?
Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?
Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!