No one

No one jokes

Permission

I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.

No one goes in there without my permission!

Orphan

The orphan wanted to call home sick, but there was no one.

The orphan went to school to have food, but there was no money in his account.

Memes

Wheelchair

A person with a wheelchair makes a joke. No one laughs.

Inner thought: "Wheely Manerva, wheely."

Scar

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

Viagra

We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.

No one is taking it harder than grandpa.

Baseball

Why can't men play baseball?

Because no one can take the word "balls" seriously anymore.

Hairline

This year the London marathon was run on your hairline. It was so far back no one could complete it!

Orphan

Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?

Orphan: I don't know what you mean.

Me: There is no one to give a present.

Fan

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Surgery

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!

Orphan

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈