Night jokes
What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
I hate people that hate life.
Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.
*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe
Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
Random couple after their first night:
Husband: It was very tasty. 🥵
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?
Wife: ☠️
Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.
I met a gay guy last night.
Man, was he a pain in the ass.
I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
There is going to be a wild party at the orphanage, the parents aren't home.
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
Knock, knock.
Moon, give me cheese.
"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."