Night jokes

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!

Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.

Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!

I met a gay guy last night.

Man, was he a pain in the ass.

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.

I hate people that hate life.

Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe

BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!

Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.

BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!

Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.

What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

Why does family love family?

Because everyone has their Friday night nut together.

There is going to be a wild party at the orphanage, the parents aren't home.

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."

Knock, knock.

Moon, give me cheese.