Night jokes

May our days be abundant, a dance of delight, May I navigate life with courage, taking flight. May our journey be a beauty, a blessing so sweet, May I celebrate friendships, where hearts and souls meet.

May our nights be bright, with laughter and cheer, May we live with love, eliminating every fear. May I grow in kindness, a serenade of grace, May our lives be a marvel, a splendid embrace.

One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good night, Dad."

"Good night, Mamah."

"Good bye, Papa."

The next day her papa died.

He heard her saying them a month later.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good night, Dad."

"Good bye, Mamah."

The next day her mamah died.

Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good bye, Dad."

The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.

So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.

During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"

Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.

There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"

She replies with, "These are my headlights."

He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."

So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."

Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"

A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.

The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."

The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."

The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."

The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."

The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."

The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."

The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."

Have you ever met a knight with a metanite at night?

By day I like girls, by night I like boys, but you, I wouldn’t like you at dusk or dawn.

The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?

IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!

I'mma monch ur nan's feet at 3 am tonight, ngl.

Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.

Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.

He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.

Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.

Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.

Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.

So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.

Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"

"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."

"What else, Watson?"

"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What Else, Watson?"

"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"

"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"

Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.

Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.

I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.

Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.

A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.

In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”

You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.

Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.

What hype is this place out? Is it for the night? You cannot say what is a great night. I have a good night.

My grandmother said goodnight...

She never said good morning.

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.

Yo mama so far that when she walks outside at 8 a.m., it becomes midnight all over again.