Newness jokes
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
What’s New York’s favorite game?
2001 flight simulator.
I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.
Adin, you should consider eating pencil lead, you fat cat lover, only if you're the new Adin from FF though xoxo da babby.
"Joe Biden's mom is so fat, she's very fat folks, she's so fat I'm gonna use her to build my new wall"-Trump
"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
New Windex ad:
You should get Windex for that dirty mind!
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
What's the similarities between the New York Jets and the World Trade Center?
They both fall in September.
Craig's name is now Craig William Duncan "Froo."
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.
This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."
I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."