New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
The Wife said "Honey! Do you like my new Teeth?"
The Husband replied "They remind me of stars Darling!" "Yellow and Far apart"
Imagine your new playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1:shoot someone Option 2:suicide
Me: aren't they the same thing?
People are pushing for a new black lady liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: sad
Teacher: anyway Is anyone missing.
Students: Your Parents
Do you know about the new movie Disney made just for cancer kids? It’s called finding kemo.
How do you fit 27 New Zealand Tourists in a 15 seater bus? Simple. All in the ashtray.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest
Have you seen the new movie Constipation? You haven't? That's because it hasn't come out yet.
Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?
Because he always makes spider-sense.
you: Captain where is this plane going? Captain: New York, 175 Greenwich Street.
What did the cop say after he shot the ginger? "I guess orange is the new black"
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her p*ssy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
In 2016, Americans took Orange is the new Black to a whole other level
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
Why are Egyptian gods orphans Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a-new-bus) every year to make a prophet
Whats 9/11 survivors least favorite nfl team ?
New York Jets.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
