Newness jokes
Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.
Son: Okay, I'll do it!
5 hours later...
Son: I'm done!
Dad: I lied.
Son: So did I!
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
Memes
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.
New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, because they donāt need a home button.
News: Ook! says an interviewed monkey.
Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants.
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesnāt beat her old primary school one. š
I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"
Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new PC.
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...
I used to be emo.
I saw a helicopter on January 26, 2020. Then Kobe was on the news.
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "Whatās the purpose of your visit?"... "Iām going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
Every kid in a classroom is relevant, because if one of them gets shot, they will all be featured on the news.
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
Iāve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
Itās a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled āIbuprofenā though, and really, Iām starting to feel a little sick. The bottleās almost empty though, so itās time to get some more!