“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger? Orange is the new black
News: ook! says an interviewed monkey
What time when the terrorist get to new york city? 9:11am
Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone. Son: Okay, I'll do it! 5 hours later... Son: I'm done! Dad: I lied. Son: So did I!
I like my girlfriends new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one 😀
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common? They can both carve a new emotion.
Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new pc
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks “what’s the purpose of your visit?”... “I’m going to shoot a pilot” is never a good answer
I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...
I used to be emo..
I Saw A Helicopter On January 26, 2020 Then Kobe Was On The News
New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, cause they don’t need a home button
I saw a news ad on tv about a dad coming home after getting milk i said "ive never seen that one before"
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C (Extra cholesterol)
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
Have you heard about the new cereal? It's called "Prostituties". They don't snap, crackle or pop, but they sure do bang!
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and i asked him "why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time i perform people tell me I need new material."
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel sutherlands wrist Nothing they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades
