Worst Jokes Ever
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
Why can't Indians play baseball? Because every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.
It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.
Kid: Which were me, are your parents?
Orphan: What are parents?
Why did the gay man get raped?
He assed for it.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.