Worst Jokes Ever
Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.
He also forgot to pay the power bill.
If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
Why did that fish cross the road?
Just for the halibut (hell of it)!
Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."
He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
Hi, my name is Crappy. I like tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and ya now GET LOST!
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
Sauron said, "Eye see all."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jerk.
Jerk who?
This website who!
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
Yo mama's so hot when she walked into Subway she gave me a foot long!