What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.
Pacman 200 balls
What do you call a goat?
A goat.
The bigger your shoe size is, the bigger your penis is.
The smaller your shoe size, the smaller your penis is.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired!
I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.
Why?
I don’t have a clue.
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
