Worst Jokes Ever
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!
These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"
The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"
If my boobies are fish, then am I salmon boobies? Please give generously.
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.
Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?
When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn't have a homepage.
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.