Worst Jokes Ever
Just to an orphan.
Orphan: You're stupid.
You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.
Why isn't there much honey in Brazil?
Because there's only one B in Brazil.
I have more chin than the Chinese phone book.
Depressed people are lame because they are just lame, no reason.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Iron Man: Where are you from?
Thor: Asgard.
Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you?
I'm a heterosexual man that is so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great πthon.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.
A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."