Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
What is the funniest hill in the world called? Hill-arious!
How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road and didn't make it.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Why was the orphan so bad at baseball?
He couldn't find home.
When you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you're finished you're from Finland, what are you when you are IN the bathroom?
European.
Why was the calf afraid?
Because she was a cow-herd.
Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...
What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...
What runs but never stops?
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.
What do you call dolls in a line?
Barbie queuing.
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
