Worst Jokes Ever
What is a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it sure as hell ain't plain.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
What did the tower say to the other one?
I will see you later; I am about to get hit.
What did the other traffic cone say to the other?
"Look away, I'm changing!"
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
My grandpa was the goat, he killed Hitler! 🥳🥳🥳
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)
Joke time!
Now, Heaven or Hell?
Heaven: we got clouds.
Hell: we got a frickin' private yacht!
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
Imagine a dragon 🤔.
Imagine me dragging these nuts across your face.
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!