Worst Jokes Ever
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
Why are Americans so good at shooting?
We have the best schools for it.
Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
When is a door not a door?
What are the 2 fights Africa could never win?
A food fight and a water fight!
What type of game is Africa playing at the moment?
The Hunger Games!
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden Dropping beats like the Twin Towers!
NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."